Children's Center Preschool Serving the Los Feliz, Hollywood, Silverlake , Atwater communities
  • Child Development

  • Nov13

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    Parents Coping with Children’s Illness

    Posted in: Child Development, From the Director, Parenting

    Dear  Parents,

    The preschool is having a round of colds and fevers affecting a number of children during the beginning ofthis cold and flu season. With no school Friday, Veteran’s Day, I hope everyone gets healthier.

    Illness poses a parent’s dilemma best summed up by a dad who said, “My boss doesn’t like it when I miss three days of work, but I understand she needs to be at home”. Many of you have busy schedules, traveling spouses, and meetings that are important. I remember this well;  I have four grown children. Unfortunately, sick and recovering children need to be cared for outside of the preschool.

    I want to share with you some resources and “before need” coping strategies to think and plan about over the 3 day holiday to help with the dilemma. The three main obstacles seem to be the ” morning of” illness, the “getting sick at school” illness,  and the “getting well but not ready for school” recovery period. We have a policy of a child returning to school when they are healthy and fever-free for at least 24 hours. Children can cope with more at home than they can at school when they are recovering. The illness policies for the school are in the parent handbook, online at www.kidslovepreschool.com.

    1. Relatives- talk to family who are close by and see how and when they might be available  to cover you.

    2. Other parent/friend- as with a babysitting coop, some families make arrangements to cover each other in the case of illness. Not hours and hours, but the caring for or picking up of a child until your  crucial work need  is over.

    3. Babysitters- they often have flexible daytime schedules. Other parents may have a person you would  trust;  they could spend some time with your child before you need them.

    4. Nannies- some of you have talk about “underutilized” nannies. Perhaps they can step in and be paid while they are not caring for their usual child.

    5. Neighbors- some of you have spoken of a good neighbor/ friend.  Are they available for recovery care or pick up at school and short term care?

    6. Friends- is there someone who would be willing to be on call?

    7.  College students- We are fortunate to have Los Angeles City College nearby.  Ty  and Marilyn went there. Check and see if they have a way of putting you together with students available for childcare.

    Developing ” before need” care arrangements will hopefully ease some of the stress of caring for a sick child. Please make sure that I have the names of the people you choose written in my file. You can stipulate the circumstance under which they can pick up your child, i.e. sick-child care only. I will ask for ID if we don’t know them.

    I CANNOT release a child without a written note from a parent if the pick up person is not on the list; in the moment of need that can be a real hassle.

    I hope these ideas help and I wish you a happy and healthy Veteran’s Day holiday.

  • Oct7

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    The Value of Expectations, not Pressure

    Posted in: Child Development, From the Director, Parenting

    Recently, I was having a conversation with a parent about helping her child become toilet trained. She wanted to make sure that she neither pressured nor shamed him. Worthy goals.

    This started me thinking about the difference between pressure and expectations. This is a common concern among parents who are trying to raise children thoughtfully but who also have goals they would like their children to reach.

    Erik Erikson in his seminal book, Childhood and Society, talks about the stage of childhood between roughly 1 1/2 and 3 year old as the stage of autonomy versus shame and doubt. We can influence the way children feel about themselves and their capabilities by the way we handle these kinds of normal childhood steps.

    One of the first things to think about with children and expectations  is the difference between internally derived child development, which occurs as a result of a child’s own drive to complete a task,  and the expectations we set for children to help them become part of our family and community.

    Some behaviors are grounded in normal child development. From the time a child is born, he or she is biologically programmed to nurse, crawl, walk, run, and talk. We, as parents and teachers, just need to support them with opportunity and positive experiences. These are innate skills that will emerge although the timetable for each child is individual.

    Other behaviors are decided by the family, the culture, society, and laws. Children learn to eat food rather than throw it,  to hold our hand when crossing the street, and to use words rather than biting,  because we set behavioral expectations and goals for them and teach them how to achieve them.

    Both the innate and the learned  forms of behavior are vital for a child to develop in a physically, socially and emotionally healthy way .

    In early childhood, we deal with expectations that are  fairly consistent throughout different cultures. Children learn to feed themselves, go to the bathroom in a predetermined place, dress themselves, and fall asleep at night. They learn how to socialize with their family and then others in their world. At school, they widen that experience to include children and grown-ups new to their family. They learn to play and to problem solve. Each step is invaluable for their development.

    Children want to gain mastery over their own care and skill building and therefore can be willing participants in their own development.  Mastery is an important source of a human’s self-esteem and feelings of success in coping with the world. I don’t think that anyone disagrees with the benefits  of a a child developing mastery but the question sometimes becomes how to help them achieve it.

    We help children develop mastery and self-esteem when we have age-appropriate expectations of our children. When we work together with our children to set goals to develop a new skill, we are helping them with self-care and mastery. They learn that they are capable people.

    Pressure, on the other hand,  takes away from these goals. When we blame or scold children, we tell them we doubt their desire or their capability.  Instead of supporting autonomy, we are using shame or doubt to try and make them do what we want. This behavior removes the locus of control from the child to the parent. When we as parents becomes overly involved in the child’s experience, it makes it our agenda rather than theirs. When we as parents make our happiness with our child based on their performance, we create a lot of pressure for a child.

    So, in toilet training or any other childhood growth step we have for our children, expectations and support help them to grow into the capable people we know they can be. And while it can be tempting in the moment, pressure is best left to the side so that children can feel the personal satisfaction of mastery and self- control.

     

  • Oct1

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    Talking about Death with Children

    Posted in: Child Development, Curriculum, From the Director, Parenting, science, The Garden

    There are important emotional topics that naturally occur in the life of young children. At school, we call them “tender topics”.  They can include the birth of a new baby, moving,  starting school, separations, and Death.

    Last week at the morning coffee, the question was “How do I talk to my child about death?”.  At school, we talk about death regularly, usually in the context of life cycle. For example, in the garden, we plant seeds, watch them grow, enjoy the harvest or the flowers, and then see how the seed pods develop before the plants wither and die. Last week, we pulled out the dead tomato vines, depleted cilantro, and shriveled squash plant out of the ground. They are making way for the fall crop of vegetables and flowers who will repeat the cycle.

    Death recently came to the Yellow Room in a different, but not uncommon way. A child’s cat died.  While I talked about coping strategies with the family, we also got our favorite books that talk about death. Mister Roger’s Tender Topic Series includes When a Pet Dies, a really caring and thoughtful discussion of death and the child’s feelings about it.  We also read The Tenth Good Thing About Barney.  In it, a little boy has a cat die and he goes through the feelings and questions that come with that experience. In an intimate way, the boy and his family address his feelings, the goodbye process, mourning, and his memories.

    We also discussed the cat’s death at morning meeting, the way we do with many things important to the children’s life. The child told the story of her cat, shared pictures, and talked about how they said their goodbyes as a family. The other children then shared their experiences. They told stories of wrapping an animal in a scarf, of funerals, of singing a goodbye song, of markers and flowers. Some talked about heaven. We listened and supported. The shared stories and feelings help all of the children to cope with loss and to develop coping strategies and increased awareness of one of life’s significant events.

    In the life of the school, there will be fish, lizards, spiders, frogs, and other creatures to mourn. We will bury them in our garden where they will have their last job of helping making our garden grow, just like Barney. We will talk about feelings and realities. We will help them learn that death and sleep are not the same.  It is a process.

     

  • Jul18

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    BIG 3 tips for an Easy Start to Preschool

    Posted in: Child Development, From the Director, Parenting

    September is around the corner and 20 new children will be starting at CCP and thousands will join preschools  around the city. Over the years, I have noticed there are a few things you as parents can do to make your children’s transition to preschool go more smoothly. I offer these ideas not only as a preschool Teacher/Director but also as a mother of 4 children.

    Basically, it is the BIG THREE that helps children enter the classroom with their A game.

    • Sleep
    • Breakfast and an orderly morning
    • Supportive routines

    SLEEP

    Enough sleep every night is a key element. As you all know, when children are tired , they have a harder time with anything. Starting preschool, while it is a positive and supportive experience, has a lot to cope with and learn about. Everything is new; the teachers, the environment , the children around them, the routines and eventually separation.
    They need an uninterrupted, good night’s sleep. Actually you need one too to be at your best in support of your child. Start the shift from summer bedtime to school bedtime early enough in the summer so your child is into the new bedtime before preschool starts.

    BREAKFAST

    A good breakfast, with sufficient protein,  is the fuel that keeps children in good shape in the morning until snack. Combined with enough sleep, their bodies have what they need to focus on the preschool experience. Hungry children or ones who start out with just cereal run out of fuel and coping skills before snack time.
    Being tired and hungry makes everything in life harder; preschool is no exception. It isn’t always easy to get out the door in perfect shape but we have found that supportive bedtimes and morning routines help ALOT.

    SUPPORTIVE ROUTINES

    Children are never at their best during transitions and that is what bedtime and morning time are. Each time also leads up to  separations issues as they cope with falling asleep or getting ready to say goodbye to you at preschool. Children benefit from our use of  supportive, clear, consistent routines at preschool to help them  go from one experience to another.

    Bedtime Routine

    Children find bedtimes routines very helpful and calming. As they move through the steps, they are psychologically letting of of the day and preparing for sleep. The book, Goodnight Moon ,  is a classic story of a child saying goodnight to her daytime world as the light gets dimmer and dimmer and she snuggles with her mother.
    The steps of getting ready for bedtime are familiar. Bath, teeth brushing, PJ’s, stories, lullabies. Each family has its own unique twists but the order does matter as each step should calm the child and helps them be ready for sleep. Wrestling, tickling, chasing games, scary TV, etc make getting to sleep harder. Observe what works for your child.
    The more consistent you are, the more helpful the routine is in getting your child relaxed and ready to sleep.

    Morning Routine

    There is a lot to do in the morning to get ready for preschool and your own day too. And now there is this new  place to be on time to. A routine helps.
    From the time a child wakes up, it helps for them to know the steps involved to be ready to walk out the door.  These are familiar as well. Get dressed, eat breakfast, brush your teeth, comb your hair, and gather your belongings.  The order is not so important here but having a consistent order for your family helps your child, and often you,  settle into being a cooperative participant and makes the morning more fun for everyone.
    A few suggestions.
    • Prepare a health breakfast of food your child likes. This is not the time for experimentation. If you can, join your child and model good breakfast eating.
    • If clothing choice is a trouble spot, have your child choose their outfit the night before.
    • Limit the choices of play clothes to 3 rather than allowing the whole closet to be a possibility. I still find it hard some mornings to make choices and that is why you will often see me in black and white.
    • TV only when everything else is really done. It can create a problem for getting out the door, however. It seems like they are always in the middle of a show.
    • Don’t negotiate everything; you will make yourself and your child crazy. Young children can’t handle that much freedom or choices but they will push anyway if you are inconsistent.
    • You have rights too. Expect a child to allow you to get yourself ready; help them to know how they can do that.
    I hope that these ideas allow you  and your child to have a  successful start to preschool, or for that matter, any grade level. If you are a CCP family, don’t hesitate to talk to me.

  • May8

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    Mother’s Day- an Inclusive Way

    Posted in: Child Development, From the Director, Holidays, Parenting

    Happy Mother’s Day!  We are going to have a Mother’s Day celebration at the preschool on Monday. Here is the note sent home explaining to our  parents how we celebrate Mother’s Day in a more inclusive way.

    Dear Parents,

    Below you will find our plans for tomorrow morning.

    First, though we wanted to explain why we are celebrating this day and later Father’s Day in a more inclusive way.  We have invited mothers, grandmas, aunts, and other important women in children’s lives to be with us.

    One of the most important  goals of Children’s Center Preschool is to help children to understand  and appreciate not only their own family’s heritage, culture, and makeup, but those of other children’s families.  We want to develop more than tolerance in children, which is a passive state.  In addition we seek to develop understanding, acceptance, and appreciation. When a child sees the value of his or her family as well as the value of families  who live differently , they develop an active belief that each person matters and that there are many different ways to live life positively.

    Mother’s Day was originally a Hallmark Card marketing opportunity that seems to have evolved into a National holiday. But life is not the same as it was 50 years ago, and our children and their families need to find new ways to approach this holiday (because it is so ubiquitous). Children are no longer raised only in traditional mother and father households.  They are also being well raised in single parent, same sex parent, adoptive parent, grandparent, or other caring people households. They also have several other important women who participate in meaningful ways in their upbringing,  nannies, babysitters, grandmas, aunts, neighbors, and friends.

    Tomorrow we will celebrate them all!  We hope that celebrating in this way, we will help your children redefine Mother’s Day in a new and more inclusive way and value the many women who enrich their  lives.

    We look forward to celebrating with you.

    The Morning Plan Read More | Comments

  • Feb16

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    The Mystery Box

    Posted in: Child Development, Fun with Preschoolers

    The other day at group time, the children had a new experience, The Mystery Box. The Mystery box is a decorated box filled with fun and interesting things that the children know.  Ty brought it out and the kids were very excited.

    Here’s how it works. First Ty shows the children all of  the different items that were going in the box, carefully describing them as she tucks them  in the box. Then one by one, each child comes up and find something in the box while the rest of the group watch.

    The next part is the guessing game.  The child gives clues about the item they are holding without telling what it is and it is the kids turn to guess. Once they figure out, it is the next child’s turn to reach into the Mystery Box. .

    This game was a huge success with squeals of delight accompanying each discovery.

    The game is not only fun but also wonderful practice in visual memory. To remember an object , you have to focus on it, notice its size, shape and color, and pay attention to its detail. We play lots of visual memory games in the course of the year.

    Another game we play is called “What’s Missing?”. We put a dozen or so objects on the floor in front of the children and have them look at each one as we point to it and talk about it. Then they close their eyes while we take one away. When they open their eyes, we ask “What’s Missing?  One by one the children take turns taking something away and the others guess. The children also give clues if no one remembers.

    When children first play this game, they are often not paying very close attention, but after a few times, they start really looking to see what’s there. They developing strategies for remembering; that is a valuable skill and children do it differently. Clue giving also requires that they pay close attention to the object.

    The visual games and listening games we enjoy playing  are not only  fun but also strengthen the visual and auditory skills that will serve children well as they develop.

  • Feb13

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    Marriage & Children-5 Ideas

    Posted in: Child Development, From the Director, Parenting

    5 Ideas in support of a Healthy Marriage

    At a recent parent coffee, the  parents and I were discussing their lives as married couples with children as a part of their family and how hard it is for the children not to become all of their married life together.  I was struck by the importance of the words  “with children as a part of the family”.

    When you begin life your life together as a couple, it is a huge adjustment to become parents and incorporate a child into your family. It is also a wonderful, satisfying, and time-consuming part of your life; I have 4 children and certainly understand. Children need and benefit from your love, attention, respect, and thoughtfulness and you love doing it.

    But it can very easily take over your life and fill the time you used to have as a couple. It is very important to your children’s and your  well being that you find time to continue to have a close relationship as a couple. By nurturing close relationships with your  children, creating a cohesive family life, AND maintaining a strong bond as a couple, you provide the very best environment for every family member to thrive.

    The other side of that coin is that  no matter how thoughtfully you try and raise a child, an unhappy marriage or divorce will undo many of your best efforts in parenting and leave you unhappy as well.

    At the coffee, the parents were sharing some of the things that, in daily life with their children, make it difficult for them to have time for their marriages. For example,  being unable to have an uninterrupted conversation,  having no time together alone unless it at the very end of the evening,  exhaustion,  never being able to get away, etc.

    They also generated a number of excellent suggestions that allow children to be a meaningful part of their  family while neither being the “boss” of the family nor a part of everything.

    Here are some of the suggestions for creating everything from little moments of adult time to having some time to get away alone.

    1. Make sure there are times when you talk with your children and really listen to what they have to say AND THEN make equally sure you have times when you can talk as adults together without every sentence being interrupted. If the children are there, ask them to wait while you finish a thought or sentence.

    • You can say  “ I am going to finish telling Mommy/Daddy/ Papa something and then I can talk with you.”  Or “ In one minute, I will listen to what you have to say but now I am talking to M/D/ P”, and then stick to it.  Children learn from the parental modeling and this will benefit not only your marriage but also the children’s relationships with other people.

    2. Find time every day to ask your child to find something self- amusing to do so you can be together and talk.

    • Not just the necessary logistical and child stuff but the important stuff. “How are you?”, “How was your day”, “What interesting happened today” , “ How about Egypt?”  “ How about the Lakers?” Whatever matters to you. Protect these times.
    • When your child comes over to interrupt, remind him/ her that you are talking and that you will be with them soon.  Don’t negotiate.  If this is new to them, start small, 5 minutes, but plan on building up. Praise their success. Preschool children are capable of  easily self-amusement  for 15 minutes  several times a day.

    3. Set a reasonable bedtime and find a way to make it work. Have enough time left in the evening for yourselves when you are not exhausted.

    • Start early enough.
    • Bedtime routines can be very helpful here. Do the same thing every night. Pick the order that works for you but bath, pj’s, toothbrushing, story, song, lights out are the general ones. The routine predisposes children to settle in and it prepares their minds for sleep.  End on a quiet and loving note.
    • Help your child to learn to fall asleep without having you in the room.  If you have a family bed, reassure them that you will be with them when you come home and come to bed. Like all of these suggestions, take it in baby steps.

    4. Plan dates nights and protect them fiercely.

    • Find a trusted babysitter, grandparent, or friend.  Teach them about your child’s needs and routines,  leave them with the needed information, and go out together. Children will be fine and will develop the ability to be flexible and cared for by others.
    • If this is new, start small. Go out for coffee and come back. But build up to  enough time so you can really connect as a couple.
    • Make this time  a priority and don’t allow it to become something functional i.e., going to a meeting, a business dinner, or the market.
    • DON’T DISCUSS THE CHILDREN; very hard but very important. You need to connect with the part of your marriage that is about other things. You did that before; you can do it again.

    5. Once in a while, try and get away for a night or two.

    • Use those same trusted people and get away.
    • Again, baby steps after you have developed the date night.
    • First, stay in a lovely but local hotel.  You might try leaving after you put the children to bed and coming back after breakfast.
    • Next time, extend the stay until after lunch.
    • You get the idea.

    Supporting a healthy and connected marriage is an invaluable gift to yourselves and your children. They will learn how to have loving and caring relationships that respect not only their own needs but the needs of others and you can have a marriage that will last a lifetime.

  • Jan23

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    Valuing Diversity in our School

    Posted in: Child Development, Curriculum, From the Director

    In giving parent tours these last few weeks and in considering the wonderful pool of applicants we are developing, I was revisiting the importance of diversity in our preschool and the many ways it is achieved. One of the reasons I chose the Los Feliz, Silverlake, Larchmont, and Hollywood area is that it has a diverse population. I have also chosen a staff that reflects our diverse community. I believe children learn from what they live with in the normal course of their daily lives. They learn that there are many different ways for families to love, raise, and support children. Families with diverse family structures, faiths, backgrounds, races, ethnicities, economic means, and careers all raise healthy, interesting children.

    I believe that it is through living and sharing together that we all really come to internalize tolerance, appreciation, honoring and supporting the people in our own world. Children also naturally develop a view that gives them the opportunity to comfortably explore the rich range of people and possibilities. From  this base, children will go on in their world to benefit from the richness of people they will come to know.

    As a staff, we believe diversity goes well beyond race and ethnicity although those are the easiest to identify quickly. As we put together a classroom group, we think of diversity quite broadly. We are interested in a mix of racial and ethnic backgrounds and I am delighted that our preschool has developed significant diversity using those criteria.

    The children themselves always represent diversity and we value a group that is varied. Some are outgoing, some more quiet; some are more visual learners, some auditory learner, some kinesthetic learners. While they generally enjoy the many offerings of  a preschool program, they have a a great range of interests and talents. Some go right to the puzzles while another is off to the blocks.  Some love a big group to play with where others like one good play friend. In a mixed age grouping, children reflect their different developmental stages.

    We also look for diversity in other ways. We welcome families with a variety of family structures; families with mom and dad, with a single parent,with same sex parents, with step families, with adopted children, with grandparents as the primary caretakers. There are so many ways to successfully raise children today; each family is striving towards being the best parents they can be.

    We value a range of backgrounds in the family’s  work life; lawyers, journalists, artists, engineers, chefs and  entertainment industry people all enrich the school with their different experiences, talents,  and perspectives.

    Especially at the holidays, we celebrate the diversity of beliefs our families have. We celebrate Christmas and Chanukah, St. Lucia Day, and Cinco de Mayo. We discuss the secular and the religious and the philosophical.

    We love learning about everyone’s different talents, be it cooking, music, gardening, art, or storytelling. Children have different talents and interests; the more they see that all people come with a variety of talents and interests, the better. It also help us to learn what each child cares about. Our curriculum incorporates the children’s emergent interests into the classroom activities and invited visitors.

    We encourage families to invite grandparents into the school to be part of the school activities and programs. As a society, we benefit when people of all  ages join together to enrich children’s life. We have grandparents as volunteers as well as participants in our family /child gatherings. At our Thanksgiving feast, grandparents thoughts joined with the parents’ and children’s about what they were most thankful for, offering a wonderful range of perspectives.

    We encourage families with a range of economic means to join our school. Since we offer 3, 4, and 5 mornings as well as 1 to 5 afternoons, we hope that families can find a home with us. We also offer partial scholarships to families in need. We recognize that these are particularly different times and want to ensure that the diversity offered by families different life experiences are incorporated in the school.

    Our preschool has benefitted from the wonderful range of children and their families that are with us each day. We are grateful to them for  making  our days so interesting.

  • Oct23

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    Discipline: A Positive Approach

    Posted in: Articles, Child Development, From the Director

    In my professional education, I have been blessed to have several remarkable mentors, beginning with Miki Holden (now head of  Family School in Los Olivos) and Eleanor Griffin at Eleanor’s Preschool in Berkeley ( I graduated from UCB).  The other major Berkeley influence was Dr. Thelma Harms, who was the Director of the UCB Child Development Center. She has become one of the giants in the field of early education. Many of my views about how to help children learn self-discipline and self-regulation started with her seminal ideas.

    I have included below an edited version of an article she handed out to parents and teachers to give them some constructive ways of looking at discipline and some ideas to help children develop self-discipline.  I realize the writing is dated but the ideas are as good today as they were the day they were written. I hope you find wisdom in her words the way I have all of these years. It is a long article but I really believe that it is worth it.

    Discipline- A Positive Approach

    Dr. Thelma Harms

    Edited, with occasional additions,  by Deborah Wyle

    The very word “discipline” can carry with it a negative connotation.   I would like to attempt with you to re-define discipline in a positive way.  Discipline can be defined as the transformation of impulses into socially acceptable and communicable forms.  We need only think back to the vitality and the conviction that little babies show in every thing they do, whether it’s crying out of hunger, or smiling at a human face, to realize that every human being has tremendous impulses with him.  He has vitality and spontaneity and desires, but these need to be transformed into socially communicable, and I would say, socially acceptable forms in order for us to live constructively with one another.

    In a way, discipline is a double-edged sword.  If we do away with the impulses in our children then we will end up with dull, dead, rigid people who know all the forms and practice all the forms, but who derive no satisfaction from any thing that they do.  They will be correct, but they will not be living human beings.  So, somehow we want to keep spontaneity, joy, and impulses alive in people.

    Now the other edge of this sword is that if we have spontaneous, alive, impulses in our children whose behavior is not constructive, and does not add to society; if we let children grow up so that they cannot express themselves in way that are acceptable to other people, then we have the destructive side of impulsivity: we have children with severe behavior problems.

    We parents have to devise a way of reaching our goals with our children so that we keep alive in them their impulsivity, but we also help them to develop socially acceptable forms of behavior. Now I am a mother and I know that you cannot possibly follow your best intentions all day, everyday ay. What I am going to suggest to you are ideas that I have found helpful myself in working with children, and I might say “in raising myself as a parent,” and I hope that some of these ideas also prove helpful to you.  I have  five ideas to share with you.

    First of all, in the day to day living with a child, don’t underestimate your value as a behavior model. I think this is the main teaching tool that a parent has.  You are a behavior model.  Our children are watching us, they know what our feelings are, as well as what our intentions are and they are learning a great deal about how human beings behave from the way we behave, towards them, towards over selves, and towards other people.

    If a mother comes in and finds her three year old annoying his baby brother and she says, “I told you not to do this,” and slaps his hand, she may think; “There, that will teach him not to hit his baby brother”. But is this mother really teaching her child; what has this child really learned about behavior?  He learned two things; my mother is bigger than I am, when she gets angry, she hits me.  Therefore, hitting is a perfectly good way to show that you are angry or that you disapprove of something.

    The second thing he learned is; my mother does not want me to hit my baby brother.  He is learning this negative prohibition, but he is not learning what his mother really wants him to do with his baby brother, which is to like him; to be a human being with him.  He is not learning this because the mother herself has used physical punishment, she has been disapproving, and she has presented a model of behavior, which if followed by the child, would not be approved by the mother.

    Even when we punish children, we are models of behavior and as we do unto them they will do unto others.  We want to be models of constructive ways of coping with life.  We all get angry. If the parent is a hostile parent, the child will likely be a hostile child.  We are models of behavior and sometimes we have to look into ourselves and find out whether we ourselves have to learn to cope with anger in constructive ways.

    A second idea about the day-to-day living with children is that a parent re-enforces what the child does through giving it attention. Another very valuable teaching tool you have is your attention.  When a baby “coos” and “goos” there is something about this that delights us and we “coo” and “goo” back.  We don’t think about  it, but we are helping that child learn to speak.  We “coo” and “goo” to him, he “coos” and “goos” back to us, he says “dada” and immediately we say, “Dear, he called for you this morning, he said dada.”  Maybe in a few weeks the mother will have responded enough to this word so that when the child says “dada” he means a particular person.

    Attention re-enforces behavior, it gives children a reason for doing the same thing again.  Now whether the attention is positive attention (like appreciation or interest), or whether it is negative attention (like spanking or an angry face), doesn’t make much difference.  Any kind of attention that we give the child re-enforces his behavior.  If you want behavior to disappear, you ignore it or you remove the child from your attention. Read More | Comments

  • Oct16

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    Celebrating Halloween

    Posted in: Child Development, Family events, From the Director

    COSTUMES, SCARY MOMENTS, AND TREAT OR TREATING

    Halloween is a fun and festive time for parents; it also comes with questions and concerns.

    COSTUMES, MASKS, AND FACE PAINTING

    Children usually love costumes but the selection process can be tricky at times.  Your child can make numerous changes of mind and then the carefully made or purchased costume is not wanted the evening of Halloween. The debate with your child over store bought costume or a TV advertised one can put the parent and child at odds. We have learned a few things  from parent’s experience that can help.

    • Children usually enjoy having a hand in selecting or making the costume; they have an extra measure of pride when they wear it.
    • Costumes do not have to be elaborate—children’s imaginations will provide the added zip.
    • If your child isn’t into it, relax. One of my favorite costumes that appeared at our door was a child in regular clothes who was holding a spatula and a wooden spoon; he was a cook. You can also just do a little face painting to create a cat or what ever your child wants.
    • Agree to a costume you are OK with. If you don’t think that something is appropriate or is better for when they are older, say so. Problem solve until you find a costume you both agree on.
    • Your child’s feelings are more important than any costume.
    • Don’t invest or make anything you are not willing to have your child not wear this Halloween (often they can make it to the next Halloween). Last minute refusals are not unusual.
    • Thrift shops and novelty stores have some great possibilities. It’s A Wrap, a store in Burbank on Magnolia just east of Hollywood way is an amazing source.
    • Many children like the opportunity to try the costume on during the week before Halloween.  As they try it on again and again, they not only become comfortable and familiar with their costumes but they grow better in their part. Contrary to popular opinion, the costume does not lose its appeal if it has been worn before.
    • We have found at the school that face make-up is much more successful than a mask that a child might be frightened of wearing. If you let your child tell you where the face paint should go on their face, most kids seem to really enjoy it.

    FEARS AND PRETENDING

    Children, especially at this age, can feel worried or scared about a variety of things. Lots of us have fond memories of enjoying Halloween but often our memories are of when we were a bit older. For this age group, a change in people’s appearance can often be scary and when it comes with a scary costume, it can be even scarier.

    The reason I say “at this age” is that children who are 3, 4, and 5 years old are sorting out reality from fantasy.  They are learning more everyday about what is real and what is pretend.  They move easily between the two worlds when pretending to be lions, doctors, monsters,  and babies, etc.  Their pretending (as we see it) is quite real to them and they are thoroughly absorbed in that role.  This is an important part of their learning; however, it obviously creates potential problems at Halloween.  Many children become anxious about ghosts, witches, scary sounds, costumes, etc.  They frequently do not realize or believe that a ghost is actually a person with a sheet or that the witch is their friend or sibling with a costume on.  As parents are well aware, to children, what they are seeing is reality.  To ask them to think differently is to ask them to be 7 years old rather than their real age.  But, there are many things you can do to make Halloween enjoyable as well as an opportunity for learning from fears.

    • Good costume choice
    • Facepainting rather than masks- cold cream and food color or a commercial one
    • Hats, scarves, and wigs can change a child’s appearance without covering the face
    • Friendly parent costume choice for parents who dress up; also keep yourself recognizable. It can be pretty overwhelming and scary for a child if the world looks scary and they turn to the parent for comfort and the parent is scary too.
    • More below

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